me: hi i'd like to order sweet and sour chicken, some beef frie-
chinese restaurant: do u want egg roll
me: i didn't even finish my order
chinese restaurant: *to the chef* Zhīfáng měiguó xīwàng dàn juǎn
superawesomeadventuregirl: The library basement is a wonderful place with couches, wifi and no people, except one other person who also thought there was no-one here and started singing. He wasn’t bad.
k1mkardashian: florence welch sounds like a goat that’s descending from heaven
erinads: sofiaauditores: i jist pushed a guy off a rooftop and he fell on a prostitute im cryifng i really hope you’re talking about assassins creed
capitalvice: ruffaloon: omfg my mom dropped her iphone in the toilet so she fished it out and desperately yelled ‘SIRI I DROPPED YOU IN THE TOILET WHAT DO I DO’ and siri replied ‘Tara, you have 28 events in July. That’s a lot.’ and then died #more dramatic than romeo and juliet
me: wow I'm fat
me: maybe I look ok
me: I AM PERFECT THE WAY I AM
me: I'm fucking disgusting I'm losing weight now
me: I am more than just my weight!
me: who the fuck cares about anything
me: I AM SO FAT.
me: idk curves are beautiful i am beautiful
me: i hate myself
you know you’ve had a rough day when you ragequit a computer game aimed at six year olds
writerthing: in the story of the princess and the pea i am the pea
Some of the worst things in my life never happened.– Mark Twain (via funpoolparty)
quixon: Hey y’all, it’s me B with Blue Ivy just hanging out Y’all cmere Come closer Lemme holla at y’all a second Y’all want this damn baby?
Raise Yr Arms & Cross Them: list of things that... →
grimelords: spring break thanksgiving Christopher Columbus the new world pilgrims wearing belt-buckle hats HMOs (I don’t know what that is) ‘my 401k’ (do not know what is) Jeopardy Red cups at parties (Australian teens go wild for red cups because they’re idiots looking for the Real College…
penguinhumor: “Did you finish your homework?”